uju-estrella

 i came here again tonight as i have no where else to go.  i don't want to make someone else feel miserable with my own misery. but i cant hold it in alone. i'm tired  i'm scared. i want to forget things too. but why does it keeps on coming to me and haunt me almost everyday.. i remembered clearly what happened that night. the night that left me sleepless for more than a weak as i was haunted by everything that happened that night. my chest feels suffocated every time i remembered what happened. every. single. thing. they keep on replaying in my head as if they live in there rent-free. never want to leave. it happened months ago, but every thing is still fresh in my head. get it out. please. i started cutting because of this. and every time i remembered of what happened i had to calm myself alone in my room. i had to calm myself from my heavy breathing, from the chest pain, from the demons that keeps on reminding me of that night-- and from holding the knife to my veins. ..

waktu terus berjalan, cita cita harus sentiasa dikejar langkah tetap dibukakan meskipun perit hati terbakar. setiap lelah yang kau berikan, biar aku jadikan pedoman, agar mampu untuk aku melangkah kehadapan mengejar cita cita yang pernah kita impikan  setiap perit yang kau tinggalkan,  jadikan aku lebih kuat hadapi rintangan. setiap kenangan tentang mu yang menakutkan, pada diri mu tidak langsung memberi kesan. setiap yang mengenali kita  menyayangi kau dan aku bersama dengan secebis kesilapan yang kau butakan mata,   hancur harapan dan angan angan semuanya. aku mengatur langkah untuk pergi dengan harapan kau akan terus perbaiki diri aku terus menerus dibelenggu trauma yang kau kesankan sedang kau seronok berbahagia bersama yang lain. bagi kau salah aku semuanya kegagalan hubungan kita bagi aku, salah kau sebab tak mengerti cinta itu apa kau tak sanggup bersendirian, sedangkan aku tak tahan terasa seperti dilemaskan. aku usaha sehabis baik untuk selamatkan kita malangnya, kita hanya bu

  My Lover. "Lover" has always been my favorite love song since it was released. But it was never personal for me.  until one night.  We went to the iCity. You brought me there because I told you I never went there and I have always wanted to go on the Ferris wheel. We reached there, we played the bumping car, we went on the disco ride on your wish because you approved to go on the swing with me, you brought me up on the Ferris wheel and then I heard that song.  " oh you're my lover " I felt safe when you're around and I have never felt that safe before around a guy. You treated me like I matter the most in this world, like I matter the most to you and there was nothing else that you care about. I fell in love with you. We spent times together and I had fun with the rush with you around in the class constantly taking care of me, making sure I'm okay all the time. You loved me the way I can never imagine a guy living in this era cou

AKU MEMANG DATANG SINI 2 TAHUN SEKALI JE!!!!!! - - - - anywayyy, hyeeee ... ... ... ... ... ... ... emm ok bye.

  It scares me. About letting you go. I dont know what scares me the most-- the fact that i wont be able to find anyone like you anymore or i wont be able to fall in love again.  You left me when you promised not to. You said you want me. You missed me, you loved me. But you left.  I knew i was never enough for you. So i gave you my best. I gave you what i had never given to anyone else. I gave you my full trust and my full faith. i gave you my best and i gave you the one and only thing i have-- love.  I knew i will always have lesser things to give than her. You keep on comparing me and her. You keep on mentioning about her. But when i told you to just leave and go back to her, you said you wont. You dont want to let me go. You said she hurt you enough for not trusting you. You said i made you happy when you were having hard times because of her. You said no matter what happened, you wont go back to her again. You said i’m the one. You said you’re doing your best for me. But still. Yo

  You seems happy.  I used to be happy for you whenever you’re happy. I used to feel like if i have to go through the pain for you to be happy, I would. I wouldnt mind. At all. I used to feel like I am in more pain if you are in one. I would be sadder if you are sad. But not anymore. And I dont feel sorry for feeling like this. Because you never care about what i felt. That’s why you seems happy while I am in a total mess when you left. Thats why you keep on mentioning her when we were together. You dont care about what I felt.  Now, I feel like it would be nice if you’re the one in pain, it would be nice if you’re the one feeling what I feel. You said our love is not blessed because you left her sad. You said god is not allowing us to be together because we made her heart broken. What about me? What about my heart? What about me being sad?  Why are you blaming me?  Dont you remember that night when you were fighting with her, you said you cant stand it anymore and you said you’re leav