uju-estrella

  You seems happy.  I used to be happy for you whenever you’re happy. I used to feel like if i have to go through the pain for you to be happy, I would. I wouldnt mind. At all. I used to feel like I am in more pain if you are in one. I would be sadder if you are sad. But not anymore. And I dont feel sorry for feeling like this. Because you never care about what i felt. That’s why you seems happy while I am in a total mess when you left. Thats why you keep on mentioning her when we were together. You dont care about what I felt.  Now, I feel like it would be nice if you’re the one in pain, it would be nice if you’re the one feeling what I feel. You said our love is not blessed because you left her sad. You said god is not allowing us to be together because we made her heart broken. What about me? What about my heart? What about me being sad?  Why are you blaming me?  Dont you remember that night when you were fighting with her, you said you cant stand it anymore ...

  For days I had to pretend that its okay.  That your absence does not affect me even a little.  I have to smile when I had to.  I have to laugh when they do.  I have to meet people like i normally would.  I have to talk and hide my emotions away.  I cannot show you I’m weak without you.  For weeks I had to keep this to myself. I had to swallow all the questions I’ve been dying to scream out to the world about us. I cannot show you I’m weak without you. For a long time, I had to say I’m okay when people ask me how am I doing. I cannot show you I’m weak without you. But deep inside, i just want to break down and cry and ask you why.  What did I do to you that you put me in agony like this?