To my man, my "Lover"

 My Lover.

"Lover" has always been my favorite love song since it was released. But it was never personal for me. 

until one night. 

We went to the iCity. You brought me there because I told you I never went there and I have always wanted to go on the Ferris wheel. We reached there, we played the bumping car, we went on the disco ride on your wish because you approved to go on the swing with me, you brought me up on the Ferris wheel and then I heard that song. 

"oh you're my lover"

I felt safe when you're around and I have never felt that safe before around a guy. You treated me like I matter the most in this world, like I matter the most to you and there was nothing else that you care about. I fell in love with you. We spent times together and I had fun with the rush with you around in the class constantly taking care of me, making sure I'm okay all the time. You loved me the way I can never imagine a guy living in this era could love a girl like that. Your love was amazing. You're amazing. 

They said a great man makes every girl jealous of his girl. And I knew that you're a great man. I knew if everyone knows we're together, they'll tell me that I'm lucky to have you. I'm lucky that you chose me out of all other girls that's been chasing you and asking for your attention. I was just being me, in the class, among our friends, I was just being myself. And you fell for that side of me. What else could I possibly asked for, my dear man?

But I never really understood what I felt. I don't understand myself. What do I want? Why cant I love you the way I imagine I could? And that's my regret for all this time. We were together for only a brief of time and I can never ask for more from you. You were more than I ever wanted. You were more than I could ever asked for. I'm not perfect for you. And I am so sorry for that.

The bitter truth is that I may have fell in love with the idea of you, but not you. I have always asked myself and I've tried imagining us together in the future, but I cant really see them. It's true that you can and has given me the world within the few days we've spent together and there was nothing else I could ever asked for form you. That is why I feel so sorry for myself that I cant be in love with you the way I wished I can. I might have hurt you when I said that I don't want us to happen, but I was also in so much pain having to swallow the fact that I have to witness someone else loving you the way I dyingly wished I could. 

Even though she's not here yet, she'll lucky to have you. And I'm already jealous of her. She will have all the attention and the love you have showered me with. 

But she is the luckiest to be able to love you the way I wanted to love you.

I knew I broke your heart, and I am truly sorry for that,

but please let me keep you in the deepest-most secret part of my heart, because after all,

you were my man.